A walk on the wild side

Glenn Reynolds offers a heads up on a fascinating book on the horizon, Norah Vincent's Self-Made Man : One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back. She posed convincingly as a man ("Ned") for a few months and discovered the vemon that is hurled at men in general by angry, broken women.

It's hardly surprising, then, that in this atmosphere, as a single man dating women, I often felt attacked, judged, onthe defensive. Whereas with the men I met and befriended as Ned there was a a presumption of innocence -- that is, you're a good guy until you prove otherwise -- with women there was quite often a presumption of guilt: you're a cad like every other guy until you prove otherwise.

"Pass my test and then we'll see if you're worthy of me" was the implicit message coming across the table at me. And this from women who had demonstrably little to offer. "Be lighthearted," they said, though buoyant as lead zeppelins themselves. "Be kind," they insisted in the harshest of tones. "Don't be like the others," they implied, while having virtually condemned me as such before hand.

This would come as no surprise to John Mallon (being an authentic and observant man), who said as much in the pages of hearth Magazine years ago. He noted:

Many women appear to have unwittingly made it a point of pride to take an unhealthy (if unconscious) pleasure in denying men what they most need by reacting to them with sarcasm, cynicism, laughs at the expense of men, and a general attitude derived from the world, but certainly not from God.

Many of these cynical attitudes towards men become self-fulfilling prophecies so discouraging to a man that he may start to live down to the belittlement, just as he would live up to praise were it offered. Male ego only becomes a problem when it is undernourished. Properly fed, it spends less time rebelling and trying to feed itself in unattractive and self-defeating ways. Properly fed, it causes a man to strive to be the best that he can be for the woman he loves and the society he serves.

Of course, he was hounded by readers who (being blameless) wanted to know, "What's YOUR problem, Bud?"

Glenn, Norah, and John have hit a nerve, as one reader responds:

As a 48-year-old never married single man still in decent shape, successful and now retired, and having weathered the "feminist" cultural storm still raging since my teens, I can tell you that even your having read Norah Vincent's book, you STILL have no idea of the anger, the hatred, the vengeance and the pain so many otherwise attractive and available women are afflicted with. It is an epidemic of conflict and self-distortion that begins and ends with an impenetrable sense of entitlement, based on a false sense of victimhood, and for which not just any man but every man must pay forever for the restoration that's never good enough.

The "feminist" demand runs from fathers to brothers to sons and husbands, to their friends and acquaintances and chance encounters; it is endless. "I am woman, hear me roar" has produced a psychological wasteland that would put Sherman's march to shame and into which any man who travels does so at his peril.

Assess, ladies. Where is our part in all of this? It's true that "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!" but where does forgiveness come in? If we don't find healing and wholeness, the world will never improve -- for anyone.

[UPDATE: Dr. Helen has some interesting feedback that gives us pause. Obviously, there are good women, and not so good women -- just like men.]

Comments

[Man with wonderful Wife and kids]

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but every man must pay forever for the restoration that's never good enough.
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A long time ago I have long realized that if you are trying to pay off some imaginary debt to forget it you have already lost. A man should live you his life without a carrying sense of guilt to the women of the world. Enjoy what life has to offer and the normal women will respond positively. The ones that remain embittered will go on to spinsterhood and loneliness.

[Genevieve]

Best case scenario: they will go on to spinsterhood and loneliness.

Worst case scenario: they will absorb themselves in anti-man, anti-family, anti-child legislation and battering the culture with their bitterness (oops, guess you call this option present-day reality)

[the snob]

Being a 30yo single white male (right-winger no less) living in Boston I suppose I should be shouting "Amen!" to all this. But it just doesn't ring true. Yes, I've met some real bats out there, and I've had friends who've gone through the wringer, but since when hasn't love been tough? This "they're all man-hating womyn" trope just doesn't ring true. Maybe younger women have fewer scars from not having gone through all the revolutions.

[Tricia]

If you sit in the stands at a baseball game and the ump is 10 minutes late, one of the mother's will say, "If the women were running this league this (waiting) would not happen." She'll get a laugh from the stands...even from the men. Sadly this kind of put down is acceptable and happens quite often. Men have become used to it and sometimes join in.

This may not sound like big a deal but it is the constant chipping away of manhood that is detrimental to our culture. I have been guilty of it myself.

My question to "the snob" (your term not mine) is this...does the subtle put down ring true to you?

[irv]

A few years back, I recall some female author lamenting that there just weren't enough men to go around. But in reality, she meant, there weren't enough ACCEPTABLE men. She had a list of requirements for age, income, physical condition and behavior that few men could possibly meet.

She even had numbers. She would tick off an element on her list and use it to reduce the pool of men. She did not go through any similar list of requirements to reduce the pool of women that those few, remaining, acceptable men might be interested in. Apparently, she also saw no irony in her one-sided assessment.

I have been happily married for 19 years, and frequently give thanks that I don't have to go back the vicious and unrewarding world of dating.

[Shouting Thomas]

I stopped listening to the vindictive, feminist crap from women long ago.

The solution: marry a Filipino woman.

You don't have to live with the paranoid lunacy of white women, or the miserable viciousness of black women.

You can walk out. I did. It works.

[gsk]

Wow -- nothing racist about that comment, is there?