I previously pointed out the excellent essay by Barbara Kay, which is found on MercatorNet (an excellent site with an email notification system to alert you of new articles, btw). She dissects feminism from a variety of angles, showing its deleterious effects on culture. The comments are still piling up, mostly positive, but not all. There are poignant contributions from men who have lost touch with their children because of the actions of their wives (and two sides to every story, I'm sure). One recent comment touched on the topic of shelters for abused women, in which Barbara noted:
This is an ideology that sees the relations between the sexes as a never-ending antagonistic power struggle, with women as eternal victims and men as eternal oppressors. It is an ideology that explains away the moral failings of women as the fault of a patriarchal "system", but holds men responsible for their actions. And most important, it is an ideology that shortchanges children by privileging the rights and importance to children of mothers over fathers. [snip]
I then turned my attention to the negative and far-ranging effects, of feminism on men. Misandry, which is the female equivalent of misogyny (misanthropy is a hatred of humankind), is now entrenched in our public discourse, our education system and social services. Misandry flies beneath most people’s radar, because we have become compliant in the acceptance of theories that have nothing to do with reality, and compliant in the speech codes that accompany that tendency. [snip]
For overt misandry, one has only to survey the industry around domestic violence. You could be forgiven for thinking that domestic violence is a one-way street, for that is certainly the impression one has from the fact that there are innumerable tax-funded shelters for abused women, none for abused men, unlimited funds for campaigns to raise consciousness around abused women, none for abused men. There is not a single social services agency or charity in Canada advertising "family services" that offers counseling, shelter or legal services for men who have been physically abused by women.
When angry feminists adduce their mantra that only men are inherently violent and that women use violence only in self-defense, I bring up a theme that is forbidden to discussion in women’s shelters: how is it then that partner violence amongst lesbians is significantly higher than amongst heterosexual partnerships?
How is it that children are far, far more likely to be physically abused by their mothers than their fathers? And when they are, how can we justify a woman’s right to take her children to a shelter to escape a violent husband when there is no shelter in the country that will accept a father with children fleeing an abusive mother?
This recent response sheds a little more light on what's going on inside these shelters:
I have been through the shelter system escaping abuse and found that I ended up walking right back into an abusive situation where the women running the shelter were en par with my abusers - some of whom were women. Funny though, that it was a male who helped me leave my abuser, found temporary shelter, motivate me back to work and help me through to getting therapy. It was also male police officers who helped me through the process of pressing charges. Within the shelter I came across many single mothers who were encouraged to keep their children away from their fathers and also fear men in general. Young male children made to feel ashamed of their gender whilst their mothers were encouraged to exaggerate the abuse.
Based on the funding and donations, many women were encouraged to stay on past their needs. Help with vocational training, drug abuse, parenting and other means of living independently took a very long time if at all.
I now have a loving relationship, home and great career and stay in contact with some of the other women within the shelter in hopes of helping them flee their new abusers.
I learned years ago that these shelters are an archipelago of anger, staffed in the mostpart by women who firmly believe that men are the problem -- always, everywhere. There is, in fact, an enormous lesbian component on these staffs, who are staking their claim in a man-free world, and using their influence in-house, they recruit their visitors who are raw, shattered and vulnerable.
My encounter involved an interview with the head of such an establishment, and I asked her if forgiveness was a part of the healing process for her women. She was firm in saying that it was not, that these women were incapable of forgiveness and that they would not come if they were asked to do such a thing. Obviously, it's not a thing that would be suggested with the initial cup of coffee or first night under the roof, but I rephrased my inquiry to make sure she knew I meant somewhere -- anywhere down the road -- in the process of dealing with the abuse. She was adamant. Since our diocese supports this shelter, I found this very troubling.
When the commenter above mentions that she "[stays] in contact with some of the other women within the shelter in hopes of helping them flee their new abusers," there is the patent understanding that there is a cycle of bad choices that needs to be sundered. The counter-intuitive wisdom of our faith says that it is in forgiveness that one grows, learns, and heals. It is not a "pass" for the abuser, but a means of seeing one's way out of a destructive way of life into a healthy one.
[Later, I learned that the shelter head I had met was a lesbian herself who had journeyed to eastern Europe with her partner to adopt a little girl. All the sad pieces fit.]
I don't dispute the need for these shelters, nor do I know the degree to which the abuse is exaggerated on a case-to-case basis, but in every instance, forgiveness would work its wonders, and the children would have an example that would serve them well in life.
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