feminine-genius

Rocco is wrong

Rocco over at Whispers comments on the unfortunate boating party in which anti-clerical women play dress-up in clerical garb, trying to join the hierarchy in order to preach that there should be no hierarchy. As far as that point goes, he's right about their theology coming from addled minds. But then he tries to turn the tables:

It's days like this which are merely the symptoms of a cause. For all the talk and finesse, this whole fiasco just proves yet again that the bad fruits of clericalism and the perception of priesthood not as a means of selfless service, but the vehicle of power, prestige and social advancement remain alive, well and in our midst. (As if we didn't know this already, but still....)

For all the sadness and difficulty of this day, that's one thing you can't blame on the boating party.

I agree that there's a root cause back on shore, but it's not anything that the priests, bishops, cardinals or popes have done. It's who they are. If Rocco really knew his feminists, he would know that it's patriarchy they despise. They take issue with a two-sexed universe and their own place in it, which, as bride, is ordered towards completing the bridegroom in order to bear fruit of vast and diverse richness. (Note: whenever a woman attempts Holy Orders, she attempts a same-sex union -- which cannot bear life. This reflects marriage as Primordial Sacrament, which is unchangeable.)

When feminists say that clericalism is the enemy, they really mean that fatherhood is the enemy -- which is blasphemy. The roots are past hurts, wrongs, injustices, and injuries, which need to be forgiven, but one cannot excise vestiges of masculinity from the world in pursuit of a sloppy and sterile androgyny. Perhaps men have abused their authority (although women are not sin-free either) but the answer is not to "rage against the machine." To infiltrate an institution in order to sabotage it is dishonest and an abuse in itself -- just what they accuse "clericalism" of being. One cannot scramble God's order without chaos ensuing.

I will blame the boating party. They purport to bring Christ's message to the world, and yet conveniently forget where forgiveness fits in. These women are broken and confused, but Rocco's comments come up short as well. A sad day all around.

ADDED THOUGHT: In fact, Rocco demonstrates the classic guilt that men live with: "If women are upset, it must be our fault." (Interestingly, the men really at fault never think this, only decent men.) They then go on to prostrate and emasculate themselves and apologise for being men or for God arranging a patriarchy. Wrong and bad. Simply make small course corrections if necessary and keep going.

ADDED QUOTE: Just found this tidbit, proving my point:

Since Monday's ceremony in Pittsburgh, more than 40 Roman Catholic women now consider themselves ordained. After the first such ceremony on the Danube River in 2002, the rituals have been held on waterways to be outside the official jurisdiction of any particular Catholic bishop.

The ceremonies are conducted by women who consider themselves ordained as bishops, in some cases secretly by Roman Catholic male bishops.

"I hope the hierarchy will understand we are not trying to splinter off but reform the Church from within and really let the Spirit into the Roman Catholic Church, the last stronghold of patriarchy in the Western world,'' Nicolosi said.

Stet.

Waiting with the Lord

Before His passion began, Our Lord asked the disciples to wait in the garden while He prayed to His heavenly father. Sadly, they fell asleep and disappointed Jesus when He needed them most. (Any finger wagging temptations ended a few years back when I returned to our parish's Altar of Repose to pray after the Mass of Holy Thursday. I spent the duration napping myself!)

We have another opportunity to support Our Lord intensely, even outside of Lent. This weekend a handful of women will attempt to receive Holy Orders, which is impossible given that they lack the proper matter. Dust of the Time has put down her thoughts on the matter, complete with background information on the women.

Let's keep all of this in our prayers over the weekend. Fidelity to our feminine vocations would be a good response to this offense against the sacrament in question. Appreciation for the Bridegroom, Who laid down His life for the good of His bride the Church would be a good disposition to have at the ready.

Let's define "love bombing"

I find this article by a "bored" mother fascinating -- because of what she says, and what she appears to really mean.

To be honest, I spent much of the early years of my children's lives in a workaholic frenzy because the thought of spending time with them was more stressful than any journalistic assignment I could imagine.

Kids are supposed to be fulfilling, life-changing, life-enhancing fun: why was my attitude towards them so different?

While all my girlfriends were dropping important careers and occupying their afternoons with cake baking, I was begging the nanny to stay on, at least until she had read my two a bedtime story. What kind of mother hates reading bedtime stories? A bad mother, that's who, and a mother who is bored rigid by her children.

Ok, she started on a false premise -- that kids are supposed to be fun. Dunno where she got that idea, but it sounds like having these two children was supposed to be about her from the start. Then she defines boredom as disliking visiting children's museums, helping her children study, birthday parties, arranging visits back and forth among their friends, and playing games. Fair enough. Each of these events is not meant to stimulate an adult with her intellect. They are meant to stimulate and socialise the children. The children she claims to love, but let's move on.

She claims that she is appalled that other mothers adore such things:

I can't say which activity I dreaded more: playing Pass The Parcel at parties with a child who permanently crawled away from the action towards the priceless knick-knacks, or listening to the other mothers go on about such excitements as teething and potty-training. Mind-numbing!

Is this hyperbole or snarkiness? Mothers do tend to care about the details of their children's lives, even the messy parts, but I think when mothers express delight in small accomplishments, part of it is feigned for the sake of the child. For example, we only care so much about how our son's handwriting is improved, but the cool sticker on top of the paper returned by the teacher is quite a thrill to a seven-year-old. Nobel Prize it aint, but we share his excitement which adds to the sense of accomplishment.

It's the rank of that accomplishment that she refuses to humble herself for:

Am I a lazy, superficial person because I don't enjoy packing up their sports kit, or making their lunch, or sitting through coffee mornings with other mothers discussing how Mr Science (I can't remember most of the teachers' names) said such and such to Little Johnny and should we all complain to the headmaster.

At this point in the conversation, my mind drifts to thoughts of my own lunch and which shoes I plan to wear with what skirt.

The other mothers tease me for my inability to know anything about school life. But since when did masterminding 20 school runs a week become an accomplishment? Getting a First at college was an accomplishment.

I'm afraid what this mother is revealing is monstrous hubris and a self-centeredness that most would mask any way possible. "My lunch, my shoes, my skirt, my first at college, my time -- sorry, kid, but you're hardly on my radar screen."

Why I am interested in what she has to say is because she has a very good point. While mothers ooh and aah over many silly things for the sake of the child, there is the ubiquitous problem in our culture wherein the child is the centre of the universe and his ego is fed at the expense of teaching him authentic humility. Mothers are supposed to create a bridge between the child and his father, and ultimately between him and God the Father, Who says two things to each child simultaneously:

1. You are fearfully, wonderfully made and I adore you, My little creation; and

2. Repent! For you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

A good mother's love will allow the child to understand unconditional (undeserved) love while teaching him humility, concern for others, and a sense of purpose. This author is somewhat right when she says:

Much of our current obsession with parenting has to do with the cult of child psychology. 'Parents in the Fifties were led to believe that if they weren't with their children, the children would be disadvantaged,' says psychologist Eva Lloyd. 'It started this ridiculous "kids first" culture. We live in an age when parenting is all about martyrdom.'

While motherhood is a form of martyrdom (shedding blood and suffering for the Truth), it is off-kilter in the culture where children's whims reign supreme and indulgence and pampering are the order of the day. But here's where definitions are important. The author quotes a friend who takes her rejection of a "kid's first" culture to this extreme:

Arabella Cant, an art director with two young children, admits that she considered jumping off a bridge in the early stages of her career in motherhood. 'Bringing up children is among the most boring and exhausting things you can do,' she says.

Her solution was to avoid subjugating her own life to that of her children's. 'I'm certainly not traipsing around museums or sitting on the floor doing Lego if that's what you mean by being at home,' she explains. 'I'm loving it, but my children fit into my life and not the other way around.

Now I have an outlandish idea, ladies. How about "mutual subjugation"? How about teaching the child that he's part of a small community called a family -- where dad likes to fish, mother likes to take walks, and the children like a variety of things. In order to build communion in this small community, we'll divide our time, sometimes sacrificing our primary desires to spend time with those we love doing the things they love. If love bears all things, endures all things, then mother can take a book on the fishing trip once in a while, and the kids can let go of video games to accompany her for walks now and then. And dad could tag along since those he loves are heading out the door. They might even all ... talk, and share their lives.

What this article screams between the lines is that this woman was not mothered. Many women are terrified of children (at least she admits this) and their battle cry for "working women" is at least in part an admission of the fact that pushing papers across a desk and handling customer complaints is easier than interacting with the demands of an infant while mother is somewhat "broken." Sadly, Andrea Yates brought the world's attention to the fact that mothers cannot give what they don't have. But the key is not to entrench oneself in brokenness, but to reach out for help. This writer says No. Even her children have written her off, which delights her.

Frankly, as long as you've fed them, sheltered them and told them they are loved, children will be fine. Mine are — at the risk of sounding smug — well-adjusted, creative children who respect the concept of work. They also accept my limitations.

They stopped asking me to take them to the park (how tedious) years ago. But now when I try to entertain them and say: 'Why don't we get out the Monopoly board?' they simply look at me woefully and sigh: 'Don't bother, Mum, you'll just get bored.' How right they are. 

They accept her limitations, even when she refused to be a part of theirs. Even though their limitations were temporary, based on age, her limitations are written in stone and she likes it. Sadly, I see that the self-absorption she has taught them will most likely take root -- and they'll wander off to be adults who feel no need to share their lives with her. Communion is not a part of her family, since each has to take care of himself.

Her last defense shows her ignorance (despite a brilliant academic career):

All us bored mothers can take comfort from the fact that our children may yet turn out to be more balanced than those who are love-bombed from the day they are born.

If she only knew what true love was, she would never dare drop a remark like this. She, the apple of God's eye, surrounded by the breath of the Spirit, and entrusted to the loving care of an attentive angel, heaps scorn on "love-bombing." Perhaps if she would stop obsessing about her own accomplishments and hourly self-fulfillment, she would find time to lift her head and give thanks -- for being love-bombed by the Almighty, Who saw fit to bless her with these two boys. Tempus fugit, my dear. Love is all that lasts.

Radiating joy!

Here are the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles, CA. (Have your sound on!) On the recent feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, one sister took her final vows, and four new postulants took their first vows. Photos of the event here.

Their faces are beaming, they are young, and this order is prepared to meet its commitments for the coming years. How blessed is the community they serve -- how wonderful that these women had the strength, the grace, and the support to meet the Bridegroom and serve Him in this way.

[If you go to the "meet the sisters" page, be prepared to be shocked by the number...!]

Small acts of kindness

The Cafeteria is Closed has a marvelous story of a small candle lit in the dark life of a a young boy.

My mother passed away when I was a month old... My father married the stereotypical wicked stepmother...  So the only woman in my life treated me badly. I went to Catholic schools from 6th - 11th grade. Once, in the 7th grade (1977) , I forgot my lunch. I sat in the lunchroom, looking forlorne, I suppose, when Sr. Myra came up to me and asked where my lunch was.

Well worth the read. Be sure to read the comments for more examples of loving kindness, which should inspire us all to do what we can to ease the lives of others. What might be a small gesture could be received in a monumental by one sorely in need. We can't boil the ocean, but we can plant tiny seeds of God's mercy so that He might be known by all one day.

They mean well, but...

The Protestants who take God seriously as He revealed Himself are fighting much of the same culture and the temptations that serious Catholics are, and yet there is a fundamental flaw in their approach to sex. Consider this helpful list for adolescents and young adults:

What does God's Word say about fashion, flirting, and dating? Are you buying into the world's lies about your appearance, your body, relationships or sex? You could be and you don't even realize it. Authors Shannon Ethridge and Steve Arterburn identify several common myths and discuss what the Bible says about them.

Then there are seven points that are quite good -- as far as they go. As I read them, the little voice in my head was shouting, "Yes, BUT these people have no problem with birth control within marriage, which has spilled over into universal access, and which has allowed flirting, dating, and relationships to wander into deep sin!" Unfortunately, most Christians have no problem separating the unitive act from procreation, which has undermined everyone, because we all wallow in a lust-laden culture.

If only Protestants -- heck, and more Catholics! -- only understood the heart and soul of Humanae Vitae, and would read it to find the prophetic words of Paul VI. All of this was spelled out:

17. Responsible men can become more deeply convinced of the truth of the doctrine laid down by the Church on this issue if they reflect on the consequences of methods and plans for artificial birth control. Let them first consider how easily this course of action could open wide the way for marital infidelity and a general lowering of moral standards. Not much experience is needed to be fully aware of human weakness and to understand that human beings—and especially the young, who are so exposed to temptation—need incentives to keep the moral law, and it is an evil thing to make it easy for them to break that law. Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection.

Finally, careful consideration should be given to the danger of this power passing into the hands of those public authorities who care little for the precepts of the moral law. Who will blame a government which in its attempt to resolve the problems affecting an entire country resorts to the same measures as are regarded as lawful by married people in the solution of a particular family difficulty? Who will prevent public authorities from favoring those contraceptive methods which they consider more effective? Should they regard this as necessary, they may even impose their use on everyone. It could well happen, therefore, that when people, either individually or in family or social life, experience the inherent difficulties of the divine law and are determined to avoid them, they may give into the hands of public authorities the power to intervene in the most personal and intimate responsibility of husband and wife.

This is precisely what happened, and now the government -- through health agencies and schools is "[imposing] their use on everyone, at least promoting it and undermining the parents' morals. And of course internationally, several countries do impose them by force. The mass media uses women's images everywhere to titillate and sell products, "so that [she is a] mere instrument for the satisfaction of [man's] own desires."

We come full circle back to the Protestant attempt to remind the young people about the dangers of promiscuity, but until they connect the dots about their acceptance of artificial birth control, they'll be simply arming their kids to put fingers in a crumbling dike. Time to rebuild the whole structure -- along the lines of timeless Catholic theology. 

Polygamy has its problems

A rather wry look at the down side of having more than one wife:

With his 5 wives, 55 children and 80 grandchildren, 400 sheep, 1,200 acres of land and a small army of servants, Aga Mehmet Arslan would seem an unlikely defender of monogamy.

Yet if he were young again, said Mr. Arslan, a sprightly, potbellied, 64-year-old Kurdish village chieftain, he would happily trade in his five wives for one.

"Marrying five wives is not sinful, and I did so because to have many wives is a sign of power," he said, perched on a divan in a large cushion-filled room at his house, where a portrait of Turkey's first president, Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, who outlawed polygamy in 1926, is prominently displayed.

"But I wouldn't do it again," he added, listing the challenges of having so many kin — like the need to build each wife a house away from the others to prevent friction and his struggle to remember all of his children's names. "I was uneducated back then, and God commands us to be fruitful and multiply."

There are as many family dynamics as there are families, and it gets very interesting with multiple wives. If the husband is a good man, the women are envious, vying for his attention. If he is a beast, the women find comfort in one another and have more breadth among them to spread the suffering (unless you're the temporary "favourite" with him). Then there is the jealousy for children, especially sons, and the favour each receives (or doesn't).

In Turkey (presently trying to be received into the European Union) polygamy is seen as backwards, and so has been made illegal.

Because polygamous marriages are not recognized by the state — imams who conduct them are subject to punishment — the wives have no legal status, making them vulnerable when marriages turn violent. Yet the local authorities here typically turn a blind eye because the practice is viewed as a tradition.

Believe me, where polygamy is legal, the women still have no legal status to protect them from abuse within the family circle. This is a stunning statement:

In Turkey, polygamy experts explain the practice as a hangover from the Ottoman period, when harem culture abounded and having several wives was viewed as a symbol of influence, sexual prowess and wealth.

Hangover? Puh-leez! It is not only historic throughout the Middle East, but sanctioned by Islam. Why is there no mention of that? Imams do feature later in the story:

Religious leaders in the region are beginning to question polygamy. On a recent day at the Ulu Mosque in Diyarbakir, a group of Islamic scholars washed their feet as they debated the merits of a second marriage.

Imam Camisab Ozbek said Islam permitted a man to take up to four wives, but only on the condition that each wife had her own property, assets and dowry. He said some local polygamous men were distorting the Koran's teachings.

"If a husband takes a second wife and doesn't behave equally toward her, when he dies he will be handicapped in the hereafter and go to hell," he said.

Perhaps these Imams should talk to their counterparts, esp. in Saudi Arabia -- home of the prophet -- and see what Islam allows there.

Pursuing feminine dreams

Americans took witchcraft seriously several centuries back, and one odd woman in Virginia paid the price in 1706. In a public exoneration, the governor noted:

"With 300 years of hindsight, we all certainly can agree that trial by water is an injustice," Kaine wrote. "We also can celebrate the fact that a woman's equality is constitutionally protected today, and women have the freedom to pursue their hopes and dreams."

Uh, yeah. Freedom is simply license, and all pursuits are equal. Sort of ties witchcraft to the feminist ideal, doesn't it? Of course, I'm not defending trials by fire, water, or any other means (heck, now, you can just ask the person if he or she is a witch and you'll get an honest answer!) but I find it telling that the community had constraints on behaviour that they feared harmed the culture. Now, anything goes. To each his own dream, and common good be damned.

Please note, though, that she was not killed. She was jailed for a while, and lived to the ripe age of 80.