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Heh, reminds me of the discussion we had with our daughter one evening, when I dropped this bombshell on her.

I really don't care if mommy loves me.

My daughter just gaped. My wife sat next to her with a grin on her face.

I continued. I want mommy to respect me, trust me and believe I'm competent. If she loves me, that's cool, but it's not my primary motivation.

My daughter asked: "Don't you love mommy?"

I said of course I do, I love and adore your mom. That's what motivates her. I, however, don't expect love. I expect respect, trust and a belief in my competence to handle anything.

This was the first discussion about the primary differences between men and women. Well, not the obvious differences (which many of our public school educated young ladies think are the only differences, but the fundamental things that make us men and women.

Amy Marie

It's not just public schools - after many years of attending Catholic schools, I only recently have learned the Church still teaches, as she always has, that the husband has the leadership role in the family. But I still am struggling with it, because I know women want respect as well, and wonder how this works without being condescending to women? But as Tony says, the husband's love is the primary motivation for the wife, and the wife's respect for the husband is his primary motivation. This does not mean that a husband doesn't have respect for his wife, or a wife doesn't have love for her husband. And each in their own way helps the other fulfill their vocation as a mother or father.


This does not mean that a husband doesn't have respect for his wife, or a wife doesn't have love for her husband. And each in their own way helps the other fulfill their vocation as a mother or father.

Of course not. It's easiest to speak the love language we understand. It's much harder to touch the other "where they live" :)

Amy Marie

Thanks Tony - and when I think about the qualities I would look for in a husband, ultimately they are qualities of a man I can trust and respect :)

Donna Marie Lewis

Of course, one could always stay single and avoid the whole thing....

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    • From Benedict XVI
      “People have realized that the complete removal of the feminine element from the Christian message is a shortcoming from an anthropological viewpoint. It is theologically and anthropologically important for woman to be at the center of Christianity."
    • Anger and Patrimony (from Donna)
      This is just another of the unintended consequences of the cultural acceptance of contraception and abortion! Men's sexuality has been robbed of its creative essence. It is now viewed as something that imposes a burden on women (when conception happens to occur), something used to control women or something that is purely recreational. Why would men bother?? In taking away their responsibility, we've also robbed them of their significance! In the big picture of humanity, men have been made into nothing more than a nuisance women have to figure out how to control in order to bring about the next generation. Men don't see it as their task to protect the vulnerable because they see themselves as the vulnerable ones. A few well preserved vials of sperm would make men entirely obsolete in the world's ethos today!!
    • Excellent, Dom! (from Teresa)
      That is astounding Robin, and good for you for standing up. At the heart of that matter, I think, is even worse than a gender mixing message. There is an increased sharper and sharper focus on the "self." Solid Catholic teaching returns our focus away from ourselves to Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The original sin, Eve denied her womanhood when she desired to be like "gods." Since the only god she knew was the Father. Where was Adam? He stood impotent... in other words, they were divorced. There's a young girl at Robin's son's high school who was just told that she is the center of the universe and it's a tragic disservice to her.
    • Find the logic (from "me")
      Ditto what Mary said! A lot of high schools have very poor math and science depts, for boys and girls. I also am educated as a chemical engineer, but chose to teach the two years before we had children because its hours were more suited to spending time with children. (I was looking ahead). When it came time and I was pregnant with our first, I realized that I did not want to leave him with someone else, and was able to stay home full time. I am not sure it would have been that easy if we were used to another engineering income and not just a private school teacher income. Also some of my first job offers were out on oil rigs - I had no interest in that at all even though I enjoyed my engineering classes and did well in them. No one discouraged me from an engineering job, on the contrary I got a lot of flack for my decision not to pursue an engineering career.
    • Find the logic (from Mary)
      I've been lurking, but this is one that irritates me. Beats the heck out of me what these "barriers" are. I was educated as a chemical engineer, where 1/3 of our class was women. However, in electrical engineering, only 1 or 2 out of 30 were women. Is it possible that women are Just Not Interested in some areas? Nah, it must be The Man keeping us down so we must legislate (and, I agree -- when they say "legistlate", I hear "quota"). And actually, I have a friend that was also a chemical engineer. When she lost her job, she decided not to go back into engineering and started working from home so she could spend more time with her 3 kids. Also, if nothing else, there are all kinds of incentives for women to enter science and engineering -- scholarships not available to men, guaranteed housing on campuses that do not guarantee housing to the general population, etc. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that schools in general are not preparing students for the hard sciences. It is truly a sad state of affairs, the lack of science education these days.

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