Fascinating speculation

When we think back to the Catholic families of the 1940's and 1950's, the general assumption was that often families would have anywhere from seven to twelve children. With few amenities, little money, and no options, seven or eight seemed to be the norm -- and yet those children in turn didn't have the same number of kids. Obviously the Pill became widely available by the time they were married, but something else was at work. The daughters' take-away from such a family life was, "Enough." While some wax poetic about the lessons learned from being deprived, having to share, and having siblings instead gadgets, enough shudder at those years to take another look.

Sheila Kippley has an excellent post on the phenomenon:

What if in the summer of 1952 the national family life agency of the American bishops had issued an urgent appeal to all bishops and priests to promote breastfeeding?
     What if moral theologians of the day had researched the long and rich tradition of Catholic moral theology that stressed the obligation of mothers to breastfeed their own children?  What if they had gone back only to October 1941 when Pope Pius XII took time out from his busy wartime activities to urge all mothers to breastfeed their babies if at all possible?
     What if the Pre-Cana Movement that was growing by leaps and bounds at that time had promoted breastfeeding and especially the pattern of frequent nursing that we now call ecological breastfeeding?
     What if the Church in America had enthusiastically welcomed the founding of La Leche League in 1956-1957?  What if Msgr. George A. Kelly, truly a great and family-oriented priest, had promoted both ecological breastfeeding and the calendar-temperature rhythm method in his best selling 1958 book, The Catholic Marriage Manual?

Instead, along with the washer/dryer, the television, and the dishwasher came baby formula -- one more technological marvel offered to this Nation of Consumers that skewed family life so that the babies came faster than they would have otherwise. This overwhelmed women, and opened their minds to anything, anything that would provide a respite.

I can still remember all too well the plight of a 30 year-old mother of seven children. This was probably 1965, and she had most likely married right out of college at age 22. In other words, she married in 1957. Her face was still very pretty, but her legs showed the effect of having so many children in such a short time, for varicose veins were obvious to most casual observer. She wasn’t complaining about the number of her children, but her question truly reached me. “I have another 15 years of fertility ahead of me. At this rate we will have 20 children. What are we supposed to do?”

So much of the debate over contraception presumes that breast-feeding will be minimal at best, and I admit I didn't think as much about this contributing factor to the whole equation. Of course if women's entire premise is to be free of the burdens of motherhood, then ecological breast-feeding would be just the ball and chain to put them over the edge, but when taken as a complete package: marriage -- baby -- extended mother-child bond, then it changes the whole nature of how family life unfolds. Food for baby, food for thought.

Comments

[Pam]

In 1962 I had just turned 2 and my sister was 11 months old when my brother was born. We also had two more siblings who were 4 and 5 years old. (There were more to come but not as close.) Propping bottles became standard fare and so did affect disorder.

My mother always suspected that the Bishops had dropped the ball when it came to the legalization of abortion. Little did she know that they dropped the ball long before that.

[Kristen]

I continue to maintain, then as now, that the real change is only possible when the couple is perosnally committed to the idea of chastity for the sake of sanity. In other words, you can tell the husband who truly loves his wife by the spacing of the children. Yes, it is certainly easier with NFP. But I know couples who have been chaste for long periods for very serious reasons, and I think the success of that approach lies with the husband more than the wife.

[Mrs Jackie Parkes]

You don't need to breast feed to space families..nfp works fine..not that we used it having 12 pregnancies in 14 years...& abstinence afterwards due to serious health problems..i might add i have no varicous vains!

[young woman in shoe]

"In other words, you can tell the husband who truly loves his wife by the spacing of the children. "

Whoa! What about the couple who both desire lots and lots of children? What about the wife who persuades her more prudent husband to make love at a fertile time? What about honest mistakes in judgement about the chart?

There are dozens of variations on the theme of "It's best to space children, and the man can have pity on his wife and control his lust." I certainly hope you don't sit in church and calculate how loving various husband are by how much space in the pew their family takes up.

[pam]

In 1962 I don't believe NFP was readily available. The only thing my mother knew about was the rhythm method and because of her irregular cycles that was of little help to her. Had the Bishops stressed the importance of breastfeeding (and or NFP) she would have listened. She also had her share of varicose veins (the bulging painful type) but why that matters I don't know.

[Kristen]

Well...I guess I didn't explain what I meant very well. I'm not looking at any other marriage but my own. We had five kids in six years. We've had three more in the twelve years since then. Each one has been a joy and remains a joy. We love the parents we became because of them. But the fact remains that those early years were more of a testimony to our own imprudence and selfishness than to the joy of parenthood. I was miserable. So was he. It was awful.

But, out of the ashes, a wonderful marriage emerged, thanks in no small part to the purifying influence of NFP and the wonderful couples who practice it, showing others how to truly live a life of love.

No, I know better than to sit in Mass and attempt to pick at the speck in my brother's eye. God knows the beam in my own eye is blinding enough. But from friends crying on my shoulder, I've found that my troubles were not some kind of rare aberration, and that many couples really struggle with NFP, mostly because their moral foundation was not adequate to the task (mine sure wasn't), and the larger culture assaults the senses daily with immodest images, particularly in the workplace. So, controlling lust is actually something that husband has to think about, usually daily.

Because so few couples practice NFP, we swim against the tide everywhere we go. But the wife who happens to be home with the kids has a luxury that the breadwinner doesn't have - she's surrounded by the wonderful kids. Usually, the husband is out there slogging away among people who (out of ignorance) model behavior that is antithetical to the values that make NFP work.

Well, I'm rambling here. But my take-away is that fighting lust is a two person job, not just the husband. It's part of sharing one another's burdens. But, that sharing takes a long time to develop when your starting point is so far away from the truth. Which mine was, and I don't really think I am unusual.

[young woman in shoe]

Well my goodness, it turns out we agree after all! Sorry my tone was rather nasty.