feminine-genius

The Chinese rent-a-man strategy

Chinese culture is still suffering from the upheavals of the imbalance of the sexes, the changes in women's lives (from chattel to career girls), and the expectations of families. All that comes to a head when millions of women head home for their New Year's visit:

Because so many Chinese live and work away from their native towns and villages, and travel home only once a year, the treasured family time is weighted with pressure to show what you’ve accomplished over the last 12 months.

For many young women, showing up at home with a pleasant-looking, well-behaved boyfriend – even if your family never sees him again – is better than enduring two weeks of questions about why there’s no marriage or kids on the horizon. (China can be a deeply sexist society – women who are unmarried past the age of 30 are often referred to as “leftover women,” even in official media.)

So the answer for many is to rent a young man to accompany the woman on her visit:

For the equivalent of $65, Zhou Qihao will let a girl take him home. For an extra $3 or so an hour, he’ll let her take him to a movie – but it costs double if she wants to have dinner beforehand.

Mr. Zhou is 24 years old, a bit taller than average at 1.78 metres, thin and “OK” looking (according to his online profile). Most of the year he works in home renovation, but with the Chinese New Year approaching – and all its attendant pressures on young women to show their parents and grandparents they’re getting closer to settling down and starting a family – he’s earning a little cash on the side as one of 260 “rental boyfriends” available on the China’s eBay-style direct-sales website, taobao.com.

Why these precious men, with thousands of women looking for a husband, chooses to rent himself out is anyone's guess, though (between girlfriends) he notes that he's "out of his league" in this business:

Mr. Zhou’s online pitch is a flexible one: “I’m healthy and have no indecent addictions (such as smoking, drinking, playing mahjong, etc.), although I can certainly take on the addictions if a client needs,” he writes on his taobao.com advertisement, promising to be “client-oriented” in his services.

Hand-holding, hugs and pecks on the cheek or forehead are free, but he won’t sleep in the same bed. He’s cautious about kissing on the lips too, largely because he erroneously believes he could contract HIV/AIDS that way.

The women who turn to rental boyfriends don’t seem too interested in the extras, though. Mr. Zhou says his first two clients mostly wanted someone to talk to. Online, those who admit to using the service say it’s all about appeasing their parents. “My parents are very satisfied, so the pressure [on me] is greatly reduced,” one anonymous woman wrote of her experience.

But could one of these “rental” relationships turn into the real thing? Mr. Zhou, who says he’s currently between girlfriends, thinks the odds are long.

The women who can afford to hire him are simply out of his league.

“You know how it is in China,” he writes via instant messenger. “For a young man who doesn’t earn very much, talking about love is unrealistic.”

So we have abundant cheap goods, China has rebooted its communist economy, millions of girl babies are "missing," and aging parents are distraught over the future of their families. The great leap forward and Nixonian rescue has been a disaster for millions, with no viable remedy in sight.

The consistency of NARAL

Lifenews.com offers this sorry tidbit about NARAL's latest ad campaign:

The pro-abortion group NARAL has just launched a bizarre new video that places abortion on the same moral plane as getting a haircut, picking a sweater, going for a jog or chewing gum—all, apparently, things that a woman can “choose to do with her body,” just like abortion.

All this by way of introduction to their new “Choice Out Loud” campaign—or as they style it, “experience”—featuring various slogans about “choice” linked to professional photographs of models. It’s all very odd.

Well, I find it less odd, and entirely consistent. It flows perfectly from the morally bankrupt generation that insisted on the "choice" to engage in uncommitted sterile sex. First, we have to acknowledge that it is the random coupling among the young that is as innocuous (in their minds) as hair colour and clothing choices. As long as that "right" is enshrined, then we shouldn't be surprised at what is promoted subsequently--in order to prop up that delusion.

Arguing about "choice" can only be effective when we back up and explain that promiscuity is the problem, and that sexual intimacy is laden with meaning and morality. And arguing about that is less a matter of words than a matter for prayer and sacrifice. Might be a good intention this Lent.

ADDENDUM: some thoughts after pondering the video--John Donne may have implored that "no man is an island," but NARAL begs to differ. Each woman is pictured toute seule, with no one next to her who factors into her decision. She is an isolated entity, singular in her path, pretending to be insulated from the rest of society and its bonds. We know differently.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

A granny's plea

This story is difficult to read, and reminds us of the difficult decisions that every family has to make -- decisions that we can only weep over years later:

Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother warned against sending the Prince of Wales to boarding school in Scotland because she thought he would be miserable, according to a collection of her previously unpublished letters. 

Despite the Queen Mother’s pleas, the Duke of Edinburgh ruled that his eldest son would attend his alma mater, located in rugged countryside near Elgin. But her concerns proved accurate after the prince described the inter-denominational school as “Colditz in kilts.”

His father's reason was that if Charleys went to Eton (so close to London) he would be hounded by the press -- and we do know what the press is capable of in making one's life unpleasant. But the isolation of the school chosen for Charles was only part of his future suffering:

He thought Charles would thrive at Gordonstoun because his eldest son loved Scotland, the author said.

But, unlike his father, the young prince did not enjoy the Spartan regime, which included cold showers, physical punishment and morning runs all year round.

In a letter home in 1963, he wrote: “The people in my dormitory are foul. Goodness, they are horrid. I don’t know how anybody could be so foul.”

One contemporary at the school recalled that Charles was bullied “maliciously, cruelly and without respite.”

Women in combat

Responding to the decision to allow women to try for front line positions is no easy matter, because it is the result of a confluence of a long list of deplorable events and wrong-thinking. Thus, I am outlining my thoughts in a series of articles, the first of which can be found here.

Simultaneously, I'd like to offer some links to important commentary. First, the most important voice is that of a woman who was highly qualified--the epitome of female training and readiness, Captain Katie Petronio:

As a young lieutenant, I fit the mold of a female who would have had a shot at completing IOC, and I am sure there was a time in my life where I would have volunteered to be an infantryman. I was a star ice hockey player at Bowdoin College, a small elite college in Maine, with a major in government and law. At 5 feet 3 inches I was squatting 200 pounds and benching 145 pounds when I graduated in 2007. I completed Officer Candidates School (OCS) ranked 4 of 52 candidates, graduated 48 of 261 from TBS, and finished second at MOS school. I also repeatedly scored far above average in all female-based physical fitness tests (for example, earning a 292 out of 300 on the Marine physical fitness test).

So far, so good. She outlines the trajectory of her career and mentally and physically, she was at the top of her game. But then reality set in:

I was a motivated, resilient second lieutenant when I deployed to Iraq for 10 months, traveling across the Marine area of operations (AO) and participating in numerous combat operations. Yet, due to the excessive amount of time I spent in full combat load, I was diagnosed with a severe case of restless leg syndrome. My spine had compressed on nerves in my lower back causing neuropathy which compounded the symptoms of restless leg syndrome. While this injury has certainly not been enjoyable, Iraq was a pleasant experience compared to the experiences I endured during my deployment to Afghanistan. At the beginning of my tour in Helmand Province, I was physically capable of conducting combat operations for weeks at a time, remaining in my gear for days if necessary and averaging 16-hour days of engineering operations in the heart of Sangin, one of the most kinetic and challenging AOs in the country. There were numerous occasions where I was sent to a grid coordinate and told to build a PB from the ground up, serving not only as the mission commander but also the base commander until the occupants (infantry units) arrived 5 days later. In most of these situations, I had a sergeant as my assistant commander, and the remainder of my platoon consisted of young, motivated NCOs. I was the senior Marine making the final decisions on construction concerns, along with 24-hour base defense and leading 30 Marines at any given time. The physical strain of enduring combat operations and the stress of being responsible for the lives and well-being of such a young group in an extremely kinetic environment were compounded by lack of sleep, which ultimately took a physical toll on my body that I couldn’t have foreseen.

By the fifth month into the deployment, I had muscle atrophy in my thighs that was causing me to constantly trip and my legs to buckle with the slightest grade change. My agility during firefights and mobility on and off vehicles and perimeter walls was seriously hindering my response time and overall capability. It was evident that stress and muscular deterioration was affecting everyone regardless of gender; however, the rate of my deterioration was noticeably faster than that of male Marines and further compounded by gender-specific medical conditions. At the end of the 7-month deployment, and the construction of 18 PBs later, I had lost 17 pounds and was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (which personally resulted in infertility, but is not a genetic trend in my family), which was brought on by the chemical and physical changes endured during deployment.

That's an extraordinary price to pay, and she isn't grumbling about it -- just being honest. Furthermore, she says, not only was it the months of rigour and strenuous demand, but the thought of sustaining it for decades, since her career would require only more of the same as she climbed the ladder.

Interestingly, a powerful comment was left below her article -- from another woman who did her best but couldn't overcome the hurdles with her fellow soldiers:

As a former Woman Marine, I strongly disagree with women in combat. Not because of the physical requirements, and not because women could not handle the job. When there are ratios of 100's of men to a few women, there are going to be problems. I experienced these first hand in the early 80's. Everyone knows what I am talking about. There are those men who will be angry, there are those who want to protect, and then there are those who want sex.

I think she has put in a nutshell the categories of men, since not all are chauvinists, not all are on the make. There are those who still have a particular regard for femininity. All three groups make the social experiment impossible in the end, even if the women are capable of doing the job. This is not like integration of different races, but the gender norming of two very differentlly-abled sexes. 

Finally, regarding the argument that if women can meet the men's requirements, then why not let them give it a go? Because the requirements appear to be changing:

When a reporter mentioned that the Pentagon’s stance appeared to keep open the possibility that some occupational specialties would be off limits to females, Gen. Dempsey responded: “[I]f we do decide that a particular standard is so high that a woman couldn’t make it, the burden is now on the service to come back and explain to the secretary, why is it that high? Does it really have to be that high?”

Inevitably, it would seem that with the lack of rational thought, all we need now is for the men to sue in order to meet the women's standard, no? And one cannot forget that there are those who are fundamentally opposed to the mission of the military, which seems to be an outgrowth of masculine aggression:

On her MSNBC show today, Melissa Harris-Perry stated that the U.S. military is "despised as an engine of war by many progressives." 

So those who seem to promote androgyny (that there is no real difference between the sexes) simultaneously hold the belief that women would create a kinder and gentler military that wouldn't be so aggressive.  When one factors in that component, and discerns that the latest tinkering with the troops may distract them, disorient them, and undermine their primary mission, one cannot help but wonder if this is really about equality and opportunity.

So when social experimentation and questionable ideologies supercede the primary mission of the military, then the mission will be adversely impacted. It only stands to reason. And who loses? The women like Captain Petronio, those killed or wounded in combat (who serve as fodder for grrl empowerment campaigns*) and the women who may be subject to a draft in the future because of the new policy.

Finally, Elaine Donnelly is a tireless researcher on this important topic:

As the CMR Special Report explains, direct ground combat involves more than the experience of being "in harm's way," which all deployed troops share.  It involves deliberate offensive action against the enemy − an environment in which women do not have an equal opportunity to survive, or to help fellow soldiers survive.

Liberal media and feminists are trying to use the military as a laboratory for the testing of a controversial twentieth-century social science theory − that men and women are interchangeable in all roles, and any differences that do exist are primarily, if not exclusively, due to socialization.  Pentagon-based ideologues are likely to use "perception management" (PM) techniques to achieve pre-determined results; i.e., implementation of the MLDC agenda and affirmation of beliefs that should be called Amazon Warrior Myths.

Our women in the military, who have served with courage and commitment before and during the wars since 9/11, deserve better than this. 

The Center for Military Readiness will continue to follow this issue closely, and to advocate high standards and sound priorities in the making of policies affecting our women and men in the military.

* We now have the bizarre standard that if we don't move forward to integrate women into the outer reaches of military service, then these women have suffered and died in vain. In that regard, the only way to "honour" them and their service is to let more women die. That passes for rational thought presently.

Lovely witness in Nepal

Whatever you've heard of Kathmandu, it was probably exotic and mysterious, but be assured that children there are like kids everywhere. Only, there's horrific poverty -- over half the country lives below UNICEF's poverty line. Interestingly, many who are sentenced to jail for criminal activity simply take their dependent children with them, if there's no one else to care for them.

And, like everywhere else in the world, there are good souls who see a need and feel compelled to help.

[Pushpa] Basnet was just 21 when she discovered her calling, she said. While her family ran a successful business, she was studying social work in college. As part of her studies, she visited a women's prison and was appalled by the dire conditions. She also was shocked to discover children living behind bars.

One baby girl grabbed Basnet's shawl and gave her a big smile.

"I felt she was calling me," Basnet said. "I went back home and told my parents about it. They told me it was a normal thing and that in a couple of days I'd forget it. But I couldn't forget."

Basnet decided to start a day care to get incarcerated children out from behind the prison walls. While her parents were against the idea at first -- she had no job or way to sustain it financially -- eventually they helped support her. But prison officials, government workers and even some of the imprisoned mothers she approached doubted that someone her age could handle such a project.

"When I started, nobody believed in me," Basnet said. "People thought I was crazy. They laughed at me."

But Basnet was undaunted. She got friends to donate money, and she rented a building in Kathmandu to house her new organization, the Early Childhood Development Center. She furnished it largely by convincing her parents that they needed a new refrigerator or kitchen table; when her parents' replacement would arrive, she'd whisk the old one to her center.

Just two months after she first visited the prison, Basnet began to care for five children. She picked them up at the prison every weekday morning, brought them to her center and then returned them in the afternoon. Basnet's program was the first of its kind in Kathmandu; when she started, some of the children in her care had never been outside a prison.

Two years later, Basnet established the Butterfly Home, a children's home where she herself has lived for the past five years. While she now has a few staff members who help her, Basnet is still very hands on.

"We do cooking, washing, shopping," she said. "It's amazing, I never get tired. (The children) give me the energy. ... The smiles of my children keep me motivated."

It's a beautiful endeavor, and I'm delighted that she's found some recognition for her work, which may translate into some much-needed donations. It would seem, though, that the critical element is her maternal love, which flows abundantly. May God reward her generosity of heart.

Radio interview

Had a nice chat with Wendy Wiese of Relevant Radio this afternoon. The archived conversation can be found here. For more on the book or how to set up a forgiveness conference for the women in your area, kindly go here. This Year of Faith would be a great time to knock down obstacles to God and to free yourselves to love without fear. It's worth it, I promise!