Most religious authorities--and parents--discourage young men and women from marrying outside of their faith tradition. Marriage is difficult enough, it is thought, without adding to the friction with such a foundational difference, furthermore, the grandchildren will be catechised in a way that at least one set of grandparents disapprove.
It is even more disturbing, though, to see that one Islamic approach to a mixed marriage prescribes that the Muslim husband (the reverse option is forbidden) hate his wife on one level:
Where’s the objection? Do all men love their wives? How many married couples live together despite disagreements and problems? Huh? That being the case, he [Muslim husband] may love the way she [non-Muslim woman] looks, or love the way she raises the children, or love that she has money. This is why he’s discouraged from marrying among the People of the Book—because she has no [real] religion. He is ordered to make her hate her religion while continuing marriage/sexual relations with her. This is a very standard matter…. Of course he should tell her that he hates her religion. He must show her that he hates her because of her religion, and because she is an infidel. But if possible, treat her well—perhaps that will cause her to convert to Islam. He should invite her to Islam and call her to Allah.
He backs up the opinion with verses from the Qu'ran:
Otherwise what do you do with the undisputed texts [of the Koran], such as “Thou wilt not find any people who believe in Allah and the Last Day, loving those who resist Allah and His Messenger, even though they were their fathers or their sons, or their brothers, or their kindred… “O ye who believe! take not the Jews and the Christians for your friends and protectors…” [Koran 58:22 and 5:51, Yusuf Ali translation]. What do you do with such a verse? What do you do will all these verses?
This relationship, then, is no different than any other between a Muslim and a non-Muslim, meaning that peace is made so that daily life is tolerable enough, but the heart is divided. The husband's understanding of his faith must thereby create mental reservations and nurture them deep in his soul, allowing him mind games which will protect the hateful proclivities.
When he [Muslim husband] comes home, he should not be the first to greet her. He may greet his children [because they are Muslim] or he can offer a general greeting if any other Muslims are present, meaning them by it [but allowing her to think it’s for her]. These are mainstream commands… She has to begin with greeting him, and then he may respond.
Unfortunately, this will dichotomy will come to light as their children age, especially when the father begins to tutor them about his motivations, and his desire they they marry within the faith community. This attitude is possible because of the fundamental inequality that ardent Muslims see between men and women, as well as the fact that Muslim marriages are not exclusive life-long unions. They don't pretend to be sacramental, and there is no call to integrity or virtue in this regard.
Comments